So hold this feeling like a newborn...

"but the search ends here
Where the night is totally clear
And your heart is fierce
So now you finally know
That you control where you go
You can steer"

- Missy Higgins

The quiet implosion

.. and that unshakable feeling of missing something. Like a void to be filled. A hole in my soul.

Life's been pretty darn awesome though. We're struggling through confidence intervals and the central limit theorem, and we hit 2C temperatures this week, but knowing that the 35 of us are in it together makes all the difference.

I finally got to see Daughtry in the flesh, the digital student ambassador thing is working out well, AIESEC's on the books, and Three cups of tea keeps me company every night. Cinnamon buns and fikas are a daily ritual, my autumn photography collection is growing exponentially, and Stockholm still keeps us mystified and wanting to explore more.

Yet there are days when I come home, drained and brain dead, and settle into a feeling of.. loneliness I guess. It's not homesickness, and it's not the feeling of missing family or friends. It's more a profound awareness of being just a face in the crowd sometimes, an insignificant entity.

'Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself' - George Bernard Shaw

Maybe I need to give that one a shot :)

Sometimes you gotta just, be.

“We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections.”

— John Lennon

Across the distance

'After all, seasons change, so do cities; people come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away'

- Carrie Bradshaw

And so it begins... :)

Degree: Master's in Global Health
Semester: Autumn
Day 1: 31/08/2010

And to think, my biggest worry was getting there on time. Mainly because I had to commute from Uppsala to Stockholm, which involved hopping on a bus to the Uppsala train station (approx. 20 mins), boarding the train to Stockholm (38 mins), finding my way through T-centralen to the tunnel-bana to Solna (approx. 13 minutes), getting the right bus from Solna to the university (approx. 15 minutes with waiting time) and allowing for enough time to get lost in the university trying to find the right lecture hall.

Feeling the stress yet?

So what really happened was I woke up at 5.30am, in order to get there by 9am. I left the house before anyone could wake up, and managed to get the bus and train and tube and second bus in time. I ended up at the Karolinska hospital instead of the university, so I had to hop on another bus to get to the campus. And I got very very lost in the university, but found the lecture hall by 8.35am..  And the class began at 9.15am :p

So there are around 30 of us, from Sweden, the UK, US, Uganda, Cameroon, China, India, Pakistan, Egypt and Nigeria. We did paired up introductions, and forgot everyone's names all over again. A huge lunch of mashed potatoes and sausage at the cafeteria, and a day long run through of all the administration.Got lost around the campus, queued up for photos, got our student and libray cards, and made a lot of cool new friends :) And then came the long train ride back to Uppsala.

One heck of a first day :)

Hello Sweden!

Yes, I have returned. For longer this time :)

Familiarity in the cold air, the pine forests and the cinnamon buns. Frustration at the housing shortage, administration details and long queues. Wonder at the supermarket and the multicultural feel of it all.

Nostalgia at the thought of the last visit, and a presence much missed. Wish you were here dude :)

Excitement of a different sort this time around. A new chapter to be written on a huge gulp of fresh air, an adventure in the making.

Wish me luck, and stay tuned :D